The First Akathist Hymn to the Theotokos

This is what was searching for when I was huffing myself stupid on Freon. This is what I was chasing when I was slamming Jager bombs and fighting Ambien. This is the home I was trying to fill with pickle-back shots and Tully.

This is life itself.

The dawn rises at the altar as the sun sets behind me amidst incense and hymns the blessed Mother of our God is magnified before all the faithful. More honorable than the cherubim and more glorious beyond compare than the Seraphim, without corruption you gave birth to God the Word. While Western churches processed with palms this past Sunday the Orthodox Churches processed bearing icons celebrating the first Sunday of Great Lent in the East: The Triumph of Orthodoxy.

Seeing herself to be chaste, the holy one said boldly to Gabriel: The marvel of thy speech is difficult for my soul to accept. How canst thou speak of a birth from a seedless conception? And She cried: Alleluia!

Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.

This is better than moonshine. This is better than fighting homeless people on trains and strip club bouncers. This is way better than doing meth at a karaoke bar.

This is life itself.  

The power of the Most High then overshadowed the Virgin for conception, and showed Her fruitful womb as a sweet meadow to all who wish to reap salvation, as they sing: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And suddenly, like a cascading torrent of sobering light and honest love, it hits me. A couple weeks after celebrating four years sobriety recovery comes into sharp focus those years spent in bars, backdoor poker rooms, and friend’s couches; staring at cornfields outside South Bend, staring at the Atlantic on the shores of Brighton Beach, waking up without clothes in a strange backyard outside Charleston.

All those moments seeking after this.

Having within a tempest of doubting thoughts, the chaste Joseph was troubled. For knowing Thee to have no husband, he suspected a secret union, O blameless one. But having learned that Thy conception was of the Holy Spirit, he said: Alleluia!

Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia.

My cup runneth over in those days long past trying to fill the God-sized hole in my heart, the very womb of my soul with everything except God. The human condition dissolves like dross burning around corroded silver. Man’s search for meaning starts and ends with the Incarnate Word, and here He sits. Our God and our King. Resting gently upon His loving mother’s breasts; the Godman comes to us vulnerable, needing to be fed, nourished, and loved. That is how the Word of God comes to us, as a baby that must be tended to.

This is life itself.

Having sighted the divinely-moving star, the Magi followed its radiance; and holding it as a lamp, by it they sought a powerful King; and having reached the Unreachable One, they rejoiced, shouting to Him: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

The first Akathist Hymn to the Theotokos of this Lenten season rings in my head still. We prostrate and honor the Mother of the Light together, being bound in faith and the aroma of frankincense. We venerate the icon of the first apostle of our Lord and Savior, cradling the Life of the world in her arms we are reminded of the true spirit of our why… Our why is to love this most precious God. Here there is no Jew nor Greek, no male nor female, here there are only the faithful gathered in profound reverence of the living God Who transcends time, space, and reality as we know it.

This is more real than life itself.

This is eternity, tearing through the seams of our perceived reality, the kingdom of heaven enters into time and space through the beautiful rising and falling rhythm of liturgical perichoresis. The intimate spiration of the indwelling Holy Spirit sprouting forth from our hearts, covering our souls in the mantle of her of most perfect love. Encompassed all around by the Theotokos’ motherly protection and guiding hand, resting in her arms as the Lord our God rests with us.

Having become God-bearing heralds, the Magi returned to Babylon, having fulfilled Thy prophecy; and having preached Thee to all as the Christ, they left Herod as a babbler who knew not how to sing: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Our King and our God enters into temporality with His sword cutting through the fabric of our base senses and understanding. Our true monarch wielding both His triumphant scepter and holding the entirety of the cosmos while being adored and wrapped in swaddling clothes by His very Virgin and very Mother, Mary.

We are, none of us, who we were walking in the Western doors at our back, but rather we are becoming persons in His sight, emerging as roses brought forth by the good Gardener of the universe, we are grafted in by the Vinedresser “that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us” (John 17:21).

When Symeon was about to depart this age of delusion, Thou wast brought as a Babe to him, but Thou was recognized by him as perfect God also; wherefore, marveling at Thine ineffable wisdom, he cried: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

The Theanthropic nave processes through the Tohu wa-Bohu, intensifying our deep longing for home and our need of God Himself. Straining through tears we bless Him for His love, compassion, and mercy. We cry out all together as sinners, each one of us, having done evil works in the sight of God. Without vain apologies we condescend before His righteous judgement seat, still seated in the bosom of His mother.

His eyes are rapturous joy and curiosity. This most blessed child is our King, our God, our Beloved. He is Who we seek and He is Who we open ourselves to be confessing our sins, Oh God, we are sinners. Save us! Most Holy Theotokos, save us!

Γπεραγία Θεοτόκε σώσε μας!

Having beheld a strange nativity, let us estrange ourselves from the world and transport our minds to Heaven; for the Most High God appeared on earth as a lowly man, because He wished to draw to the heights them that cry to Him: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

This is better than railing Adderall before doing comedy. This is better than gumming coke to drive home. This is better than fighting British tourists. This is better than getting does with PCP and held for ransom. This is better than yelling at a mirror all night because the acid was too strong.

This is life itself.

All the angels were amazed at the great act of Thine incarnation; for they saw the Unapproachable God as a man approachable to all, abiding with us, and hearing from all: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

The heavens open up for you, most blessed and holy Mother of our God. The clouds part and the darkness scatters. You who trampled the snake, you who brought forth the True Light revealing Satan to be a lowly deceiver and coward. We are all your children for you gave birth to Life itself. At the precious and life-giving cross all that was scattered was restored in Him. He has redeemed us, He has parted the clouds, He has confounded the dark. His cross bridged the gulf between man and heaven.

The marriage of Man and God was perfected in unconfused monogamy within You my God, held now in the arms of our blessed Mother, to whom we express admiration, honor, and love. The same love that You have for your mother, my God, and the same profound love that she expressed to You, her only Son, made perfect before time.

Desiring to save the world, He that is the Creator of all came to it according to His Own promise, and He that, as God, is the Shepherd, for our sake appeared unto us as a man; for like calling unto like, as God He heareth: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

You, O New Ark. You, O Bush, Burning yet Unconsumed. You are our Lady and you carried God the Word to fruition, ever-trusting, ever-confident, ever-meek Virgin Theotokos. You do we magnify!

Help us, oh Immaculate and Undefiled Bride of God, to carry forth Your Son our Savior Jesus Christ in the wombs of our hearts, that He may be perfectly knit within us. May we carry Him to term at His glorious and earth-shattering Resurrection.

May we become like you, O Holy Theotokos, that with Christ our King and our God’s Crucifixion the spear that pierced His divine flesh let that spear also pierce our hearts, our souls, our minds, and our flesh. Let it utterly quench our passions and let it’s hot piercing metal awaken in us Life.

Let us die to ourselves, crucified with Christ our God, that only Christ rises on that third day and we are redeemed with our passions being forsaken, our world abandoned, and the old man put off once and for all.

Every hymn is defeated that trieth to encompass the multitude of Thy many compassions; for if we offer to Thee, O Holy King, songs equal in number to the sand, nothing have we done worthy of that which Thou hast given us who shout to Thee: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

This coming weekend is the end of the Lenten season in the West and the dawn of Spring celebrating Easter, our risen Lord. This weekend is also the second Sunday of Lent in the Orthodox church and while it would be nice to ease up on the spiritual gas this year and coast into Summer, it would not be appropriate to the fruits this Western Lent.

The product of these past forty days has been a radical reorientation to face the sun rising in the East. The Church is a constellation, made up of individuals being cleansed by the all-powerful and merciful God. We are being tried in this lifetime, purified becoming children of God. Yes, we are grafted into the Body of Christ through baptism, but being a child of God is a never-ending process.

We are being made perfect.

We have been given the means of our salvation, and Lent is a time of year that we come face to face with those means, those big and little crosses that we must suffer to be inexpressibly changed by the grace of God. I am a profound sinner. There is sin in the fibers of my being, clogged and clotting my arteries, twisting like venom in rusty pipes. But by God’s grace and mercy this is a state I do not have to exist in forever, we are not born to live in total depravity and hope that God shows mercy on us to be saved. Salvation is synergistic, God saves but we say yes to salvation every day, every moment: this is repentance.

When the Absolver of all mankind desired to blot out ancient debts, of His Own will He came to dwell among those who had fallen from His Grace; and having torn up the handwriting of their sins, He heareth this from all: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

I believe that if we are not hearing God then we are not listening. I am very good at ignoring God, turning up the radio, or even pretending like I’m losing service with Him like I’m driving through a tunnel with my cell phone. So far for Lent I have given up kava, kratom, and Jason Isbell which has made it difficult to be able to act busy when God speaks. It makes it difficult not to confront what must be confronted in order to step into a cleansed intimacy with the Lord our God.

I do not plan to continue the same Lenten sacrifices for the next forty days (a man can only be so sober for so long), but what I do intend to do is continue making sure the channels are clear. This is what Lent is all about, after all, how do we block the love and Word of God from entering our lives and surrounding us? It is not as if we step out of Easter and plug back in to willful ignorance and place the mote back in our eye.

O all-praised Mother who didst bear the Word, holiest of all the saints, accept now our offering, and

deliver us from all misfortune, and rescue from the torment to come those that cry to thee: Alleluia!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

This is a time of intentional introspection which must lead to change lest it be pure vanity. If our Lenten sacrifices are only compartmentalized for our Lenten season and do not roll over into the rest of the year or our lives it is like planning a hike in the morning when you’re drunk. Lent is meant for lasting change. It is meant for lasting relational intimacy between you and God. It is meant for us to realize Christ within us, like the very Theotokos.

I hope and pray that this Lent has been edifying for my Western brethren. I hope and pray that this Lent proves to be edifying to my brethren in the East as it continues to prove me like corroded silver, for surely there is a lot more work to be done. Γπεραγία Θεοτόκε σώσε μας!     

Si comprehendis, non est Deus